Release..
I could finally hear the birds chirping. I could feel the wind blowing through my
hair. It was as if I could finally feel what life really consisted of. My head
wasn’t completely clouded by the drugs. I felt some sort of happiness for the
first time in a very long time. You know when you get admitted into a
rehabilitation facility you realize that life goes on without you. When you’re
using you feel as if the world must have suddenly come to a stop, truth is that
it has not. Life will go on without you, your family will learn how to live on
without you. They learn that perhaps if they give up on you, you might realize
that you should stop, but that in most cases is solely a lie. You’re family
does not realize that you are mentally and physically destroyed. You do not
think about certain things that seem completely logical in the way that they
do. There might be some hope for you, a small amount of hope, that’s if the
drugs don’t kill you before you come to this realization. I abruptly chose to
take that small bit of hope. I was sick of hearing my mother cry and beg me to
seek help. Hearing her pray to God begging him to let me live, to give me one
more chance. Even after all of the pain and suffering I put my family through
that wasn’t enough. It took a near death experience to shake me into reality,
overdosing is something that I cannot accurately explain. I can say that it’s
frightening at least for me it was, especially when you actually hope that you
die. In that very moment that is what I wanted. I wanted my life to come to an
end. I wanted the pain to stop, and for a brief moment I thought that if I finally
died it would end. The hell that I was living would finally come to an end. I’m
sure that’s what all drug addicts believe. It’s a fairly horrible feeling
knowing that something like a drug means more to you in that moment than your
own family.  When you become addicted
it’s almost as if your life has ended. You’ve basically traded your old life
for this new one. A life full of complete sorrow and despair. You’ve completely
given your life away to this drug. A drug that will end up destroying you and
all of those who once meant the most to you. That is what happened to me the
sicker I got the more ill my family became. They felt all of my pain, every
single ounce of hurt that I experienced. And the worst part was them knowing
that they could not help me until I let them do so. The thing about family is
that there are fighters, they will go to any length to try and save you. They
try their absolute hardest to keep going on for you, to not lose hope for you
they don’t give up. Mine didn’t they kept fighting this battle that seemed
endless. Even after all of the horrible things I put them through. In the end
they’ll still be there waiting for you with open arms. Waiting for their little
girl to come back to mommy and daddy. Waiting to catch you and hold their baby
once again. Hoping that maybe, just maybe she might let herself live this time